Five Months Later...

It has been five months since I said goodbye to Haiti and hello to America. I know I promised a blog within the first few weeks of being home. But then the excuses came- I’ll just wait until I have a job, that way I won’t have to have two separate blog posts. I’m not doing anything that anyone is interested in reading about. I don’t even know what to write. But I think that really, I didn’t want to write a new post. My transition was happening pretty smoothly and I was a little worried that if I started writing about it, it would make everything that much harder. I was worried that sitting down and writing about my transition would make me think more about it and force me to process things that might not be so easy to process. So I kept nodding and smiling at the people who said they wanted one last post so they knew what I was up to. Finally, I think I’m ready to write one. Get comfy, because a lot happens in five months! This could be a long read…

Coming back to the states has been a whirlwind. My two best friends, along with my family, met me at the airport with signs and sunflowers (my favorite). I wasn’t expecting to, but I cried as I got to hug my mom, my dad and brother that I hadn’t seen in six months and my best friends I hadn’t seen since I had left. I was a mess of emotions. I didn’t cry at all when I left my kiddos in Haiti, when I said goodbye to the other kids at the school, or packed all my belongings into two suitcases. I teared up as the plane took off and I realized I was really leaving. I think I cried in the airport when one of my friends called me to see how I was doing. But overall I had done a pretty good job of keeping my emotions in check. I think I had gotten to a place where I missed home so much that I needed a break and was genuinely ready to be home. It kind of helped my transition, because I was able to appreciate all the luxuries of American life while feeling minimal guilt.

There are some things that were and are still hard for me as I’m getting used to American life. For example, I have always loved the Fourth of July. I love the big fireworks displays, I love the American pride, I love the bonfires and cookouts and family gatherings! This year, the Fourth of July was a little bit harder. I was walking down the street with my mom a week or so before the Fourth and someone shot off fireworks in their backyard as we passed their house. My heart skipped a beat and then started pounding as I jumped out of my skin, ducked and covered my head. I really honestly thought someone got shot in that backyard and was truly scared. For that last 7 months I lived in Haiti there was political unrest. It was not uncommon to hear gunshots in the evening and night hours. There were several shootings near to our school. There were a few nights where I was very scared and was awake for several hours praying for God’s protection. I guess this affected me more than I realized. Loud noises like fireworks or gunshots in movies make my heart skip a beat before I realize it’s not real and I am safe. (I would like to take a moment to ask for prayer for my friends and students still in Haiti. There have been many protests and much violence over the presidential elections. Please pray for safety for everyone living in Port-au-Prince.)

Driving a car is sometimes hard for me too. I have never had anxiety while driving ever before. Even when I drove in Haiti, I was so excited to get to drive that I didn’t really worry too much about getting into an accident. If I worried about it, I was always worrying about the monetary side of hitting someone, not the physical harm side. Now that I’m home, I worry a lot about the physical harm side. In America, we drive so fast and we are oftentimes so distracted. Interstates scare me. Interstates at night are terrifying. I find myself clutching the steering wheel, music turned off, praying the entire way for safety and protection. While I’m driving, all the possibilities of how I could possibly wreck are flashing in my brain. This person might try to switch lanes and not see me. A deer might run out in the middle of the road. That driver might not see his light is red. What if that person thinks they can make a left turn across my lane and I don’t have time to stop? How hurt would I be? How hurt would they be? What if I hit this pothole wrong and lose control? What if I don’t see someone when I’m merging and I hit them? What if that bicyclist wrecks right as I pass them and I can’t stop? The list goes on and on. I don’t know why there is this sudden anxiety about driving. I don’t know if there was something I saw or experienced in Haiti that is affecting me or what is causing this reaction. It has gotten better the more I drive, though, which is encouraging!

With both of these things, I have learned more about my unrelenting need for Jesus. I need Him daily. He is my rock, my comfort, my shield, my protection, my strong tower. He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. He loves me and cares for me. Just as He took care of my anxieties in Haiti, He will take care of my anxieties in America. My God is strong and He is bigger than these fears.

The rest of my transition is going well! I was anticipating struggling with lots of guilt for being able to enjoy things that my Haitian kiddos will never get to experience, like hot showers, an abundance and variety of foods, and air conditioning. Thankfully, I have experienced very minimal guilt. There are a few nights as I climb into my big comfy bed and grumble about being too cold that I feel a little twinge of pain in my heart. I think it is a good pain though. It reminds me that my first world problems are really small in the grand scheme of things. It reminds me to stop complaining so much and be thankful. It has helped me turn my attitude around completely and become a little bit more positive.

The holidays are already proving to be a little difficult for me, though I know they won’t be as difficult as last year was when I was celebrating while being what felt like a world away from home. However, in some ways, I still am a world away from home. I’m a world away from my second home. I’m a world away from my seven kiddos that I miss terribly. I’m a world away from my dear friends, Heather, Callie, Lexie, Jackie, Christina, and Alexis. I’m so grateful to be able to be here with my family! I loved every minute of our thanksgiving celebration last week! We laughed harder than I’ve laughed in a long while, and I loved it! But Friday I woke up with a deep longing to see my Haitian family and laugh with them as well. I wonder what they are up to. I wonder how my kiddos are doing in school. I know that they found a special education teacher to take over my room to allow my students to stay together! Praise God! I sometimes see pictures of them on Facebook. I wish I could explain the emotions I feel when I see them. It’s like a pang of sadness that goes from my eyes all the way to the pit of my stomach. I give myself 10 seconds to feel that sadness of not being there with them. After 10, I force myself to look at how happy the kids look or at the caption that says that they are healthy. I make myself smile as I count in my head to 7. A good friend once told me to do that when I was feeling blue, and I found that I feel so silly forcing myself to smile that by the end of the count to 7 I am smiling for real. Though I’m sad to not be in Haiti with the kids I love, I know that I am in America for a reason. Just as when I was in Haiti I tried not to wish my time away, I’m trying not to wish my time in America away. I don’t want to miss the time I have with my friends and family up here, because I never know where God will call me next, or when.  

Lastly, I want to touch on my new job! My first big girl job in America! I am currently a first grade teacher to nineteen super adorable kiddos at a school that is about 10 minutes away from my house. Yay! I am on a team with four other first grade teachers and I can honestly say that they are gifts from God. It might sound like an exaggeration, but I promise it’s true. Actually, the whole job is a gift from God. I interviewed for three other positions before this one and was offered one other job- a fourth grade position at a private Catholic school. I verbally accepted and then went on a short vacation to Alabama (shout out to my Auburn friends!!) The day that I flew back from Alabama, I had an interview for first grade at Stephens. I honestly didn’t see the point since I already had a job, but my mom persuaded me that it couldn’t hurt. That night I was offered the job. I was completely torn in two. I had already said yes to the other school. But this was first grade!! I love that age! I ultimately decided that I wanted to meet the team that I would be working with. A good team can make the year a breeze, while a bad one can make it tough. Long story short, I asked the principal if I could meet with the first grade teachers to see if I would fit in with their team. Three of the four teachers dropped everything to meet with me, show me around the school, and answer all of my questions. At the end, one said “I will be praying for you as you make this decision.” At that moment, I knew I should be at this school. This was where God was leading me. Though I had planned on taking a few days to make my decision, I felt so strongly that this was where I was supposed to be that I called the principal just a few hours later to accept the job.

There are so many differences between teaching in America and teaching in Haiti. I’m given many more resources, but on the flip side, it is crazy overwhelming to be given so many resources. I have so many teachers to collaborate with, which is amazing, but sometimes I don’t even know how to be collaborating best with each individual teacher. In America there are parent notes, doctor’s notes, staff meetings, trainings, and acronyms out the wazoo. No joke. I have PLC’s, PD’s, ATM’s for RTI, PBIS checks, KTIP meetings, SGG’s, PGP’s, and more. It’s tough to keep them all straight!! There really needs to be a handbook of all the acronyms for the new teachers so we can begin learning the language!!  Speaking of language… Since I was in Haiti last year, the school I’m at now thought it would be a good fit to have my class be the ELL pullout class. This means that students who come from homes where English is not their first or primary language are in my class. I. Love. This. So. Much. I love language and I love culture, and I think that it is such a great fit for me!! I know how it feels to be in a culture that I don’t understand, where people are speaking a language I’m not yet fluent in, so I think that has enabled me to really understand what some of my students are going through. Once again, I see in hindsight how God is using my time in Haiti to help develop me. This is just one example of how having a year of experience teaching in Haiti has prepared me for teaching in America. 

This post is getting long, but I wanted to share with you one fun story from teaching this year so far. In first grade, we learn all about cultures that are different than our own, which I love! We learned about the Native American culture, we learned about the early settler’s culture, and then I was given a special opportunity to teach all five first grade classes about Haiti’s culture. We gathered all five classes in the library where I gave a short presentation about what life in Haiti looks like. I was able to combine two of my favorite things!! Oh man, it was so much fun teaching the children about the similarities and differences between Haitian culture and American culture. The students were so engaged and interested! For weeks after the presentation, I had students knocking on my door to ask me a Haiti question that their class came up with. I loved it! They wanted to know about grocery stores, food, money, toys, washing machines, electronics, pets... you name it, these kids asked about it! I am so thankful to be able to share my experiences with a group of six and seven year olds!! One of my students asked how I got to Haiti, to which I responded “By plane!”  Without hesitation, another child asked if that was how the children I taught in Haiti got to Haiti as well. It was difficult for them to comprehend that there are people in other parts of the world who were born there, not brought there. Most of the kids I spoke to had never stopped to think about life outside of Boone County, let alone life outside of America. I loved being able to introduce them to that and encourage their minds to widen a bit. Another student, upon hearing that the students in Haiti did not always have the school supplies they need, asked if they could bring in school supplies for them. The school I teach now in is not located in a super wealthy area. There are many families struggling to put food on the table and provide school supplies for their own children, yet these children want to help others. I love that about kids. At this age, they want to give, give, give, even when it means that they might not get, get, get. I think about how Jesus said we must have faith like a child, and I’m thankful that I am privileged enough to get to work with children every day. It’s so encouraging to witness!

So, that’s my past five months in a nutshell. I am so sorry that it took me so long to write. My mom has been telling me that you have been asking for updates, but I can be very strong willed and stubborn at times!! But better late than never, right? Thank you again to everyone who prayed for me and for my family during the year I was gone and during my transition time back in America. I could not have done any of this without your support. So many times I was struggling with something in Haiti, or even during my first few weeks back home, and I felt God so close to me and knew that someone was praying for me. I am blessed to know so many amazing people! If you have any questions about something that I didn’t address in this blog post, shoot me a comment or a Facebook message, or ask my mom or me! There are so many things to say and not nearly enough time to write about it all.  

Though I’m closing the book on my Haiti adventure for now, I have no doubt that it will open again soon. I can’t imagine myself never returning to Haiti for the rest of my life. I don’t know what my next trip will look like, or when it will be, or for how long I will go. For now, my mission field is Stephens Elementary School in Boone County, Kentucky. Who knows what adventures I will find there :)

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.... You are serving the Lord Christ." ~ Colossians 3:23-24

In the Back of a Pickup Truck

Two years ago, I was playing basketball at Ohio State University when I dove for the ball and took a knee to the back of my head, resulting in a severe concussion. Some of the side effects included constant ringing in my ears, horrible migraines, sensitivity to light and noise, problems finding simple words that I should know (like airplane and books), fatigue, loss of appetite, and a loss of my ability to follow multi-step directions and multitask. I bounced around from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was going on in my brain and how to fix it. After seeing a specialist, we were told that the reason I kept having migraines was that I was hit in my occipital lobe; the part of the brain controls your vision. It was a very hard hit and it was in just the right spot. My optic nerve swelled, which caused pressure in my eyes. As a result, my eyes converged inward. My migraines are due to my eye muscles straining to move themselves back to the normal position. I did eye exercises to strengthen these eye muscles, but it didn’t seem to help. Finally, I just gave in and got reading glasses with prisms in them. The prisms move my eyes back to their normal positions naturally, without straining them. When I wear my glasses, I don’t have any more headaches.

Flash forward two years and two months. I’m sitting in the back of a pick-up truck driving down the streets of Port-au-Prince, Haiti, with a guy named Ian that I just met that day. He’s on his third trip to Haiti, visiting an organization called Child Hope, where some of my friends work. We chatted a bit about his job, his home, his family, his goals for his time in Haiti, my job, my home, my family, and my goals upon returning to America. I’m a really awkward human being, so after we hit all the small talk topics, I had absolutely no idea what to talk to this guy about and we sat in traffic in awkward silence. Then he spoke up. “So, what prescription are your glasses?” he asked. What kind of question is that?  I thought. That’s so random! But it’s better than awkward silence, so I’m gonna roll with it. I told him about my concussion, and how the glasses weren’t really because I had awful eyesight (in fact, they’re they lowest prescription you can possibly get!) and I just needed glasses to help pull my eyes in the right directions. He seemed fascinated by the side effects of my concussion, so I recounted to him about all the different types of exercises and therapy things I did to strengthen my brain to get it back to normal, and how, by the grace of God, the only side effect that still remained was my eyesight. He paused, deep in thought and then said “Well, would you like to get rid of that?” I kinda laughed and shrugged. Wearing glasses isn’t something that bothers me; I think my glasses are kinda cute, and a good accessory sometimes! He shook his head. “If you don’t wear your glasses, you get headaches, right? Would you like to get rid of the headaches?” I shrugged again, thinking Where is he going with this? Getting rid of the headaches would be really great, but how?

“Brittany, have you ever seen a miracle?” Another shrug. (Side note: I realize I shrug a lot… like a lot, a lot.) I told Ian that I believe in miracles and was about to describe stories of friends who have beaten cancer, or preemie twins who lived against all odds, or something along those lines when he stopped me. “Have you seen someone be healed with your own eyes? Not just heard of it?” I shook my head and honestly was a little wary. He, on the other hand, sat up a little straighter and told me, “God has given me the gift of healing, Brittany.” Um, what? This conversation is getting weirder and weirder. “Do you want to be healed?”  Um, what??? Okay, I’ve heard of people healing people, but they were all… kinda…. different people… kinda out there. I don’t know that I believe in people having the power to heal other people. And then I stopped. Wait a second. I bet the people in the New Testament thought all these things too when they saw the disciples healing people. I bet the disciples themselves thought Jesus was crazy when He healed people. But they had faith. I believe everything in the New Testament is true. I believe Jesus had the power to heal. I believe He gave the disciples power to heal. So if He gave people in the New Testament power to heal, what’s so crazy about Him giving people in 2015 the power to heal? I have to have faith, just like the people back then. It was a crazy long internal debate in my head but those are the main points. Ian was waiting patiently for me to answer him. But wait. It’s just my eyes… it’s something that can be fixed with glasses. It’s not something that plagues me every day. There are SO many more serious conditions out there. I shouldn’t take healing away from people who truly, desperately need to be healed. And while we’re on this point, why me? Why not someone who doesn’t know Christ who is on the verge of death? Why not a friend who is suffering? Why would God choose me, and something that seems so insignificant? At this point, my head was spinning with so many thoughts and I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I did want to be healed, but I felt guilty about saying yes when I saw people every day with much more serious needs. “Yes,” I finally told him. “Yes, I want to be healed.” He smiled and leaned forward.

“Okay, here’s what I’m going to do. Nowhere in the New Testament is there an intercessory prayer for healing. Nowhere does someone pray and ask God, ‘God, would you please heal this child from his sickness?’ No, the disciples and Jesus Himself speak directly to the part of the person that needs to be healed and commands it to be healed.” He paused, trying to make sure I was comprehending what he was saying. I was trying to recount every story of healing I’ve ever read in the Bible and realized he was correct. I nodded. “So what I’ll do is speak directly to your eyes. Which eye gives you the most trouble?” Without hesitating I blurted out, “My right eye!” Wait a second…. I‘ve never been asked that question. How did I answer that with such certainty? I realized then and there that this was from God. It’s kinda sad how slowly my brain works sometimes. Here I am, in the back of a truck with a guy I’d just met who is about to heal my eyes and I am just now realizing God’s hand in it. Anyways, back to the story. Ian started to speak. “I command you, Brittany’s eyes, to be healed. I command all the problems to go away, I command your eyes to be moved back to the correct positions. I command the nerves and the muscles to be strengthened, especially in your right eye. In Jesus’ Name, be healed.” He finished praying for me, and me being the awkward person I am, couldn’t figure out what to say after that. I thanked him and we returned to sitting in silence. After a few minutes, I realized that I still had my glasses on. Enter another internal debate. So that whole healing thing was pretty interesting. I wonder if it will work. I should prrrroooobbbbllllyyyy take my glasses off. But what if it doesn’t work? I really don’t want a bad migraine tonight- it’s supposed to be a fun night with friends. A migraine would ruin it. And I can’t take my glasses off right now, I’m in the back of a truck and these are Ray Bans. I don’t want them to get scratched or stolen. Nope, I guess I have to keep them on…… but wait. I have to have faith. The people in the New Testament had so much faith that they sought Jesus out to be healed. They didn’t need to be told twice! Jesus healed a man who was lame and told him, walk! The man didn’t hesitate! He immediately stood up and walked! Lord, forgive me for my doubts! At that exact moment, Ian kinda smiled as if he were reading my mind and said, “You know, you have to take your glasses off at some point to see if it works.” Having just come to the same conclusion, I laughed to myself and told him that I didn’t have any place to keep my glasses, but I would take them off as soon as we got out of the truck.

Fast forward to today. It is Wednesday- four days since Ian commanded my eyes to be healed in the back of that pickup truck on a dusty road in Haiti. Four days since I took off my glasses that I’ve pretty much worn every day since March 2013. I’ve scanned Pinterest, taught school, read my Bible, and typed this blog- all things that would normally have brought about a headache if done without my glasses- and I’ve been headache free. Holy cow! Four days of no glasses and not one, little, tiny headache!! Praise God! Time for me to be super honest with y’all. I will admit that I have been hesitant to share this story. I was worried about what everyone would think. Before Saturday, if someone was to come up and share a story with me about God giving someone the power to heal people, I would have nodded politely but not believed them. I just read a book recently where a man was healed after a group of people prayed over him, and I blew it off. Wives tales, fairy tales, coincidences. Can my God heal people? Absolutely! When someone has cancer and is healed, do I credit it to God’s healing power? Yes! But when it comes to a human being commanding others to be healed? Nope. That’s hokey, something only crazy Christians do. Honestly, that’s what I thought, and that’s why I didn’t want to tell this story. I’ve been keeping it to myself because I was afraid of being judged or labeled as a ‘crazy Christian’. But you know what? Being a Christian IS crazy! We believe that Jesus Christ, the Son of God came to Earth in the form of a baby. We believe that He chose to die a gruesome death so that our sins could be forgiven and we could live in Heaven with Him forever. We believe that He not only died, but that he rose again after three days and He’s alive in Heaven right now! If we believe all those things, why is it so crazy to think that God could give someone the ability to heal others?   

God is convicting me to share this story with you. In Mark 5, Jesus heals a man with a demon. The man who was healed (vs 20) “went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled.” In Luke 7, Jesus raised a widow’s son. The dead man sat up, and do you know what the first thing everyone did was? They glorified God, saying “God has visited his people!” (vs 16). In Luke 18, Jesus healed a blind beggar. Verse 43 says, “Immediately, he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God.”  I truly believe I have been healed. I want everyone to know! I have been healed!! I want to share my story because, who knows, maybe it could really impact someone’s life! It’s changed mine for sure!

God prompted Ian to ask about the prescription of my glasses. How random of a question is that to ask a person you’ve just met? I mean, there are so many other things to talk about! People have commented on my cute glasses, but I don’t think anyone has ever asked about why I have glasses, let alone my prescription. God prompted me to give the full concussion story, and when I was asked about which eye was damaged most, God gave me the answer even though I had never known it before. This miracle is straight from God, and He deserves ALL the glory!! Ian made sure that he stressed that this gift was given to him from God, and he commanded my eyes to be healed in Jesus’s name. Ian did nothing. I did nothing. We just had faith and God did the rest. My God is so powerful, so strong, and so mighty!!!

In devotion this morning, we sang this song, and I had to smile at God’s timing. I’ll share in Creole first, and then post the English lyrics below:  

Verse: Ou kontwol la vi mwen / Ou kalme vag lanme’m yo

Ou mach’ave’m nan dife/ Ou pran maladi’m yo

Mwen kwe nan ou/ Mwen kwe nan ou!

Chorus: Wi mwen kwe ou se gerise‘m 

Wi mwen kwe ou se sa’m bezwen

Wi mwen kwe ou se zafe’m 

Wi mwen kwe ou plis ke ase pou mwen

Jezu’w se tout bezwen’m

Bridge: Anyen pa enposib pou ou / Anyen pa enposib

Anyen pa enposib pou ou / Mond lan nan pla men’w li ye!

In English it’s a song many of you might know, made famous by Kari Jobe:

Verse: You hold my very moment / You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire / And heal all my disease

I trust in You / Lord I trust in You!  

Chorus: I believe You’re my healer / I believe You are all I need

I believe You’re my portion / I believe You’re more than enough for me

Jesus, You’re all I need

Bridge: Nothing is impossible for You / Nothing is impossible

Nothing is impossible for You / You hold my world in Your hands!

All I have to say is- Glory to God! I’m thankful I serve a God who can do, and chooses to do, more than I could ever ask or even imagine! He continues to amaze me every day! If you have any questions about this blog, please feel free to comment or private message me on Facebook, text me if you have my number, or get in touch with me anyway you can. I would absolutely love to talk to you!!

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.... You are serving the Lord Christ." ~ Colossians 3:23-24

43 Days

Wow, it doesn’t seem like much time has passed since I last wrote, but after checking I see it’s been a month and almost a half! Whoops! To tell you the truth, I’ve been kind of putting off this blog. As of today, I have 43 days until I get back to America. I cannot even begin to describe to you my mixed feelings on this, which is why I haven’t blogged in a while.

I recently listened to a sermon recorded from Ashland of Madison County about missions, and I want to start this blog out by echoing a statement that the long term missionary spoke:

“From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you’ve done for me. Thank you for praying for me- you don’t know how weak I am. You don’t know how desperately I needed and continue to need your prayers. Thank you for giving. I never had to worry if I was not going to have enough money to buy food. (Brittany here: I actually am going to have money left over, and am currently praying about where this money will be best used. Thank you for your generosity!!) Thank you for the encouragement- for the letters, for the Christmas presents, for the care packages, for everything! Thank you! I could not have done it without you.”

As I was listening to this man whom I’ve never met speak, I kept nodding my head vehemently in agreement. Everything he said is true to my experience as a missionary to Haiti. I am so blessed by you!

I’m coming to a hard time here, and I need more prayers than ever. Home is so close that I can almost taste it! I miss my family so much. I miss my best friends. Have you ever heard of FOMO? It’s an abbreviation for the fear of missing out, and I’ll tell you it’s tough. It’s hard to miss out on important things, like celebrating the birth of a baby or taking a friend out to celebrate an engagement. Everyone says that those are things I can do later when I get home, but it’s not the same. I’m so excited to get back home and not miss weddings, holidays, milestones, and whatnot. I’m excited for air conditioning, soft pretzels, and Target. I’m looking forward to regaining some freedom. Needless to say, it’s hard to keep my mind here and be mentally present for my kids. I’m excited, but I’m also worrying about my future in the states- Will I get a job? Where will I live? What happens if I don’t get a job? Will I fit back in to my native culture or will I be a bit of an outsider? But this is not the time for me to be worrying or thinking about those things! I only have 43 days left with my precious kiddos, only 43 days to teach them and show them God’s love. Yikes! Please pray that I stay mentally present and cherish the remaining time in Haiti. It’s so easy, and so tempting, to give up and start making preparations for America. I actually caught myself today making a list of all the types of food I want to eat when I get back to America. Silly! I don’t want to wish my time away because I know what will happen. I’ll get home in 43 days and in another 43 days I’ll be wishing I was back in Haiti.

When I remind myself that I only have 43 days left in Haiti, I often have to fight back the tears. I talked about the part of me that wants to go back home. But there’s a part of me that recognizes that leaving Haiti means leaving a part of my heart behind. I’m leaving 7 special kids to an unknown future. As of right now, there is no one to take over my position as the special education teacher. My kids have come so far (I’ll touch on that later!) and it is so encouraging! However, they are special learners, meaning they don’t do well in a typical classroom. They need a smaller classroom size and to have an active part in learning. Please join me in praying for a special education teacher to come to Christian Light School.

Not only am I concerned about their future, I’m selfishly dreading saying goodbye to my kids because I know how much it’s going to hurt. I have spent nearly every day in Haiti with these kids. I’m not just their teacher on the weekdays; I’m their friend on the weekends and evenings and I sometimes even step in as parent when the house mom and dad are gone. We have become like a family during these 8 months of being together. They don’t understand why I’m leaving them and to be honest, I don’t have a great answer for them. I know God is calling me back to the states for a while, but how do you explain that to a five year old? To them, a little while is a week. For me, it’s unknown. This isn’t a typical summer vacation and then a new year where they’re in the school but with a different teacher… I really don’t know that I’ll ever see these kids again and it absolutely crushes my heart.

Leaving Haiti in 43 days also means leaving behind some really awesome friends that I’ve made within the last two months. God has been teaching me so much about friendship during my time in Haiti. Without going into too much detail, I had all but given up on finding community in Haiti outside of the gates of CLS. It’s hard to live and work with the same people all the time, and while we had fun movie nights and community dinners, and I longed to make other friends. Then, a lot of my friends at CLS left, all right in a row. It brought me to a point where I decided I didn’t need friendships in Haiti- it was just going to be me and Jesus. People came and made promises, but eventually they disappointed me and left. I knew Jesus would never leave, so I clung desperately to Him and closed my heart to the American teams coming and going. While this was the closest I’ve ever been to Jesus in my life, my heart was very lonely. God used this time to teach me a) to be completely dependent on Him but also b) that we are created for friendship and fellowship. Just as God is constantly in fellowship with the Son and the Holy Spirit, so too are we to be in fellowship with God and other people. God is not to be replaced by friends, but His grace, mercy, and love is to be magnified in our lives through friendship. Once I learned how to be completely dependent on God, He softened my heart and ended up blessing me with an amazing group of girls. It saddens me deeply to think about leaving them in 43 days and hurts even more when I think about the fact that I might never see them again. Even if they all moved back to America with me, we’re in all different corners of the country. Please pray for my heart as I get ready to say some tough goodbyes- both to my American friends and my Haitian students.

Like I said, I’m coming upon hard times here, and I really need your prayers more than ever. But even though some days are really, really hard there are also days that are really, really good. I recently found the goals that my children made at the beginning of the school year. Before my class began, I asked all my children to think of three goals that they wanted to accomplish before the end of the school year. In April, I found the goals and was astonished- each and every one of my children had accomplished at least two of their three goals. Huge success!! 

* Herode can now write his name! Oh, and he hasn’t been sent to the office in over two weeks! This was a child who made me cry in front of the class because of his bad behavior. Now, he sits and does his work and even asks for more!!!

·        * Magdala went for one week without getting into trouble and got a 100% on a spelling test for the first time last week!

·        * Pame and Mislene have each gotten a 100% on a multiplication test and spelling test!

·        * Patrick can add!

·        * Vidlon can add AND subtract!  He is a math whiz and a problem solver. This kid thinks outside the box like no seven year old I’ve met. On Easter Sunday, we flew kites, but the wind was so strong that the frames pulled away from the plastic covering on most of them. I was scurrying about, trying to find glue or tape, when I looked up to the sky and saw them all flying again. My confused gaze finally came to rest on a proud Vidlon, who held up a wad of gum and gave me his famous Vidlon grin. See? Outside of the box!

·         * J.J. is working hard to get promoted to second grade! This year he has learned to read, spell, add, subtract, tell time, and count money!

Ahhhh!! And I’m not even telling you about the ways my students have grown socially! I am so proud of my students!

When I think back to our little classroom at the beginning of the school year and compare it to now, I can’t help but to laugh and praise God. There were days where I was certain I was failing as a teacher. I cried so many nights because of the behavior problems in my class and my inability to regulate them. I was so overwhelmed with how much we needed to cover in the span of the year to get these kids up to speed that several times I almost gave up. As the quote from the beginning of this blog says, you don’t know how weak I am. But God. God had different plans for my kids… no, for His kids. Thank God that He never gives up on us, right??  I simply cannot take any credit for the change in my children. It’s not because I’m a great teacher or an awesome person. Not hardly. It’s because my God is an awesome God. He used me this year for the benefit of these children and the benefit of His kingdom. If God left this up to me, I can honestly say I would have given up. I would have said that there was no way a child who couldn’t match letters to phonetic sounds at the beginning of the school year would learn to read. I would have said that after receiving an average of 30% on spelling tests for the first two quarters of school that there was no way for Magdala to get a 100% on a spelling test. I would never have guessed that I would be sending a student UP a grade level. But God thinks differently than humans! He deserves all the praise and all the glory for the successes that these seven children have seen this school year. The best part is, I know He isn’t finished yet! I still have 43 days with these kids. It is my goal to get Patrick up to a second grade math level, to get Magdala to learn how to add, to get Herode to identify all his letters, to get Vidlon to feel confident in spelling. It seems like a daunting task for the month and a half that I have left. But my God is big, and He can do more than we can even imagine! Praise Him! Oh I am so thankful for His amazing grace. I am thankful that He has allowed me to be a part of His plan for Vidlon, J.J., Herode, Magdala, Patrick, Pame, and Mislene!

Though these next 43 days might be a tough battle, I’m glad to have been sent to Haiti and thankful that you guys came on this journey with me. Seriously, I can’t say thank you enough for all the prayers, words of encouragement, letters, financial support, and because I appreciate it so much I’m gonna say it again, your prayers. It’s my aim to get another blog out before I leave Haiti to update you on the goals we (hopefully) will meet before school ends :) Please keep me, my students, and Christian Light School in your prayers!

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.... You are serving the Lord Christ." ~ Colossians 3:23-24

All Things America... and a Little Extra

I was really nervous about coming back to America. Traveling alone scares me. I know that I can navigate the Cincinnati airport with ease and while the airport in Port-au-Prince caused me anxiety back in August, I feel comfortable with it now. But I was flying into the Miami airport for the first time and to make matters worse, I not only had to figure out the airport alone but customs too. I was so nervous that I left for the airport at 4:00- my flight wasn’t until 6:30. It turns out that it was really good for me to be there early! We had boarded the plane and were in the air by 6:00. The Haitian airport has no speaker system to announce that the plane was boarding. I was actually sitting reading a book when I looked up and saw an empty waiting room. Automatic panic. I grabbed my things and rushed through the second security checkpoint and hurried on to the plane. I was the third to last person on the plane. The rest of the trip was spent playing with my ring and trying to calm my nerves. What would America be like after seven months away? Would I feel at home again or would I feel like an outsider? Would I feel guilty? Would I have no problem falling into my old life? My nerves faded away as the plane began its descent.

I was in awe. Have you ever seen America from the air at night? It’s amazing. Breathtaking. I felt like I was a kid again, flying for the first time. “Woah, look at that!! Do you see that??” I was taking up the whole window, gazing out at the millions of twinkling lights. ‘Cause I’m a music nerd, the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s song (don’t judge me!) popped into my head. “We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it and we pretended it could last forever. We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it and life was never worse but never better.” I could get lost looking at the lights and there was something seriously magical. But there was a bit of a reality shock too. On one hand, life was never worse. Looking at the lights meant I wasn’t in Haiti anymore. Even though this was a temporary trip, there was that small, nagging thought in the back of my head that in three months I would make this trip again, see these lights again, and be home… but I would be leaving my other home, my kiddos, and my new friends behind for good. On the other hand, life was never better. I needed a break from Haiti. I was looking forward to seeing my mom again, and seeing my grandparents for the first time since August. I wanted the air conditioning, the hot showers, the home cooked meals. I wanted the big comfy bed and other luxuries of American life. I was so torn.

 From the air, I also saw many neon signs advertising businesses and restaurants. It was honestly a little overwhelming. I felt like a moth attracted to the lights- I couldn’t make myself turn away. Just before we touched down, I saw a ten story building with the label “Burger King”. What?? That’s gotta be the biggest Burger King ever! Oh wait….. that’s stupid, Britt, it must be headquarters or something. There’s no way that’s an actual fast food place. My first several days in America were full of several thoughts like this one. It turns out that being away for seven months meant I had forgotten some of extravagancies of American life. I can’t tell you how many times over the course of my short 6 day trip I thought about air conditioning and how cold it was! If the temperature in the house or car was under 75 or 76 degrees you could count on me being in sweatpants or curled up under a blanket. The grocery store was torture! And don’t even get me started about the movie theater! Why does every place in America have to be freezing? More than a few times I thought to myself We could save so much money! Turn the AC off! I’m sure my dad will proud of me for “saving my inheritance” when I get back home! J

Public bathrooms also have now become super confusing to me. In the airport, I decided to make a pit stop in one before we hit the road. I walked in and stopped…. How do I get the lights to turn on?? I walked a few more steps into the bathroom and realized- ahhh automatic. That’s something you definitely never see in Haiti! Time to flush…. Wait. Where is the flusher?? Ohhhhh automatic again. This is crazy.  I walked to the sink and again was confused. Seriously? Where are the handles to turn the dumb water on? Oh yeah… it’s an automatic one. America, what is up with the automatic-ness? Better dry my hands now. I waved my hands under the towel dispenser. Nothing. I tried again. Again, nothing. What on Earth? Why in the world would I have to pull the towels out when everything else in the stinkin’ bathroom is automatic? After exiting the bathroom, Mom and I walked to the hotel shuttle place. There was not one, not two, but three moving sidewalks… come on America, if you have automatic moving sidewalks there is NO reason to not have automatic towel dispensers in the bathrooms!!

Finally we made it to our hotel and I was so exhausted that I didn’t even take a hot shower!! The lights from all the cars around the airport and on the highway had given me such a headache that all I wanted to do was curl up in bed to sleep. Looking back, I can’t even believe that I didn’t take advantage of a hot shower on my first night back! We tried to sleep, but you know what? America is way too quiet. I never thought I would really think that. I tossed and turned for a while before finally putting in headphones and music. In Haiti, we sleep with the windows open for a slight breeze. Every night, we hear a variety of noises- car horns, people in the streets, all night church, babies crying, roosters crowing, you name it. Though it took a while to adjust to the noise, it now turns out to be something that is necessary to lull me to sleep. I wonder if there is some sort of noise making machine that can put together all these sounds for when I return permanently J

The next day we woke early and ate a delicious breakfast compliments of the hotel. I had eggs and a muffin and some soft bread (Haiti’s bread is ridiculously hard), apple juice and 2% milk! I was in heaven people! We loaded all our crap into the rental car (five bags and a guitar case for 2 people!) and began the journey to my grandparents’ house. After seven months of living in Haiti and only driving a few times, I was thrilled to be able to drive, but was slightly taken aback. American roads are so big!! There are four lanes in each direction! And everyone is staying in their respective lane, except to pass! Every so often I would pass a speed limit sign and realize I was going way too slow. The roads are so narrow and so crowded in Haiti that no one drives much over 40 mph. I felt so reckless and crazy driving 60+ miles per hour! Over the course of the trip, Mom had to remind me several times to speed up or we would never make it to our destination. She also had to remind me multiple times to put on my seatbelt- something that is nonexistent in Haiti.

The rest of the trip continued in much of the same fashion. The first few days were the toughest, trying to get used to things that had once been normal. Hot showers and a big bed to sleep in every night were two of my favorite things and comforts that were easy to adjust to. Some of the others were a little harder. For example, I’m so used to be cautious of water and ice that the whole trip I was a little paranoid about where my glass of water came from. Was the water out of the tap really safe to drink? What about the water from the restaurant? This water fountain?? More than once, Mom caught me eyeing my drink suspiciously and would reassure me that I was, indeed, in America where the drinking water could be trusted.   Electricity was another thing that took some getting used to. Don’t get me wrong, we have it in Haiti! However, we have two different types of power- inverter and city. City power is usually on from 5:30am until about 4:00pm. After that, the city goes dark. Some people have a generator or an inverter system (like our school) which means they can use electricity after city power shuts off.  When there is city power, we can do pretty much anything. We can pump water, use a blow dryer or straightener, and do laundry. When we’re on inverter power, we have lights, fans, and that’s about it. Most days, we try to do all of the chores before city power is gone. While I was in America, I needed to wash clothes. My grandma reminded me at 9:00 at night. She helped me start the wash and then I realized, oh crap! It’s 9:00! We couldn’t use the washer, it would eat up all our inverter power and we wouldn’t have enough to finish the movie or use fans tonight!! Duh Brittany….. it’s America. We have power all the time, as long as we pay for it! You would think after living in America for 22 years that I would remember some of this stuff more quickly than I was.

One of my favorite parts about visiting America again was stopping in to speak with our pen pals in third grade at Rawlings Elementary School in Tampa. My Aunt Candi is their teacher, so it was a great opportunity to visit more family I hadn’t seen in a while, as well as teach these students a little bit more about Haiti. With the help of my kiddos, we made a video before I left to show the American students. (Check it out here) The video shows a brief tour of Christian Light School and our classroom in particular. My kiddos talked all about our rules and behavior system, the principal, the punishments for misbehaving, and the food that they eat for lunch. They also counted in Creole, sang the ABC’s in French, and sang Haiti’s national anthem. To finish the video, my kids showed off their home, their rooms, the new swingset, and all the pets living with them. I was so proud of them! Everything they said was their words exactly; all I did was hold the camera. My kids loved making the video and had even more fun watching themselves on the finished product. The American kids were captivated by the video! It was so fun to watch them watching it and to try to figure out what they were thinking. I answered questions after showing the video and was surprised by how deeply some of the children were thinking about life in Haiti. They asked all sorts of questions, from “Are there still cracks in the ground from the earthquake?” to “Do you have a McDonald’s?” to “Why do all the children live together in one house with only one ‘dad’ to take care of everyone? Why do they not have a ‘mom’? Why do they not have real moms or dads?”Shew, try explaining that to a group of kids!  The forty-five minutes I was allotted flew by, and I don’t know who was more disappointed that I had to stop talking- me or the kids! A few days after I left, my aunt posted this on Facebook:

After watching the video our pen-pal teacher shared, and hearing all about Haiti from her, I asked my class to write 3 facts they learned, 2 questions they had, and 1 opinion they now had. I have to say - I'm pretty impressed with what they had to say. Here's a sampling: Questions: Why do you have the same food like rice and beans and fish all the time? Are there people who are rich in Haiti? Is Haiti beautiful there? Opinions: I should be grateful of my stuff. It must be painful to live in Haiti. It is too hot for me to live in Haiti. I'm happy about the things I have. They do not got what we got, and they don't got any McDonalds. When I get famous and rich I will give some money to Haiti.

Bless their sweet little hearts. It is so cool to think about how God is showing Himself during my time in Haiti and continuing to show Himself in America. I always just thought He would be using me IN Haiti, to help the children there. I never even thought about the fact that He might use me to influence an American child that I would only ever come into contact with once. It makes me think back to my first interaction with a missionary when I was around the same age as these children. A man named Joe Cluff came to our church and spoke about his mission work in Kenya. He taught us some Swahili and let us ask him random questions about lions and other misconceptions we had about life in Africa. Looking back, I can clearly see how God used that moment to begin shaping my heart for missions. Isn’t God awesome?? It’s also awesome to think that I can now do the same thing that Mr. Joe Cluff did for me! When I talk about my experiences in Haiti, God just might be tugging at the heart of a young person, or a teenager, or an adult and bringing forth a person to further His kingdom! Wow! It gives me chills just thinking about it.

Thank You Jesus for all that You are. Thank You for providing for all that I can ask for or even imagine. Thank You for sending me to Haiti, for allowing me to return to America for a break, and for giving me the strength to come back to Haiti for my last three months. I could never do this without You. Thank You for the people who are praying for me. Thank You for Mr. Joe Cluff. Thank You for America; for hot showers, big beds, my family, and everything in between. Thank You for Haiti; for my kiddos, for this school, for the electricity and clean water we have, and everything in between. Thank You for taking time to teach me, mold me, fix me, and make me more like You. Thank You for Your forgiveness when I fail. But most of all thank You for Your unfailing love, for dying on the cross, for rising again, for defeating death so that I can live with You forever in Heaven. 

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.... You are serving the Lord Christ." ~ Colossians 3:23-24

Politics and Prayer

I’ve been putting off writing this blog for a while because I know it has the potential to make some of you *cough cough, Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Jacob, and Steph cough cough* freak out. But I wanted to give everyone a real update on what’s been going on down here in Haiti.

It all started in December, I guess. Something happened and the Prime Minister of Haiti decided to resign, which caused some conflict. Then something happened with Congress. (I know, I’m being very descriptive here. Truth is, I have no idea what happened with the Prime Minister or Congress. I don’t even keep up with American politics, let alone Haitian politics!) But something happened and the Haitian people were supposed to vote to elect a new set of people to be in Congress. This never happened, and Congress was basically disassembled. As you can imagine, the Haitian people are extremely upset about this. From what I understand, if President Martelly didn’t do something about the situation by January 15^th, he became the only person with power in Haiti. Apparently, he said he didn’t want this, but January 15^th came and went and nothing was fixed. The Haitans are nooooooottttt happy about this but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot that can be done to fix this messy situation.

Fast forward to February. The Haitians are still upset about the whole president turned dictator thing. Add to that rising gas prices and a very poor economy. Things are heating up. Gas here in Port-au-Prince is about 200 GDES per gallon, which is roughly $4.60 US. From what I’ve been told, gas prices in America are dropping, in some places below $2.00 per gallon, but mostly hovering between $2.20 and $2.50 a gallon. Imagine how mad we get when gas prices skyrocket and most of us make a whole heck of a lot more than the average Haitian! Last week, some Haitians decided to protest the rising gas prices by having a transportation strike. Most Haitians rely on public transportation to get around: tap-tap’s and motos (motorcycles). The tap-tap drivers charge each person 5 GDES (10 cents US) to ride in their vehicle. Motos charge a bit more because it’s private transportation and it takes you all the way to your destination. Tap-tap’s only run up and down a specific street. When it gets to the end of the street, you get off and transfer to a different tap-tap running a different route. It can roughly be compared to a subway… very roughly compared. Anyways! Sorry about that tangent- back to the drama! So, the Haitians driving tap-taps get paid very, very little and they have to pay an enormous amount of money to put into their tap-taps. They, and the moto drivers, decided to strike. Unfortunately, this meant that the whole city was shut down. Not only did they strike, but they wanted to prove a point, so they constructed barricades out of burning tires and threw glass bottles and rocks at any car or moto who broke the transportation strike, even if it was Haitian driving their own personal vehicle. We had about 7 teachers who were able to walk to school and about 200 students. We did the best we could, combined classes, and sent the children home early. Classes were cancelled Tuesday. This turned out to be unnecessary, because the transportation strike ended and we could travel safely.

This Monday was a bit more intense. We were alerted by the U.S. Embassy via e-mail that there were reports of another, more violent transportation strike. We considered closing the school but there was no good way to get the word out. I tell you what- I will never get annoyed with the automated messages that schools send out to let families know about school closings! That is so convenient!!! We opened the school doors on Monday, but only one Haitian teacher was able to make it, along with sixty students. We put them all in one room and showed them Aladdin (Disney for the win!!!) After it we realized that none of the cooks showed up, we gave the students some nutrition bars from the visiting team and send them home. About 10 minutes after we sent the children home, I heard six gunshots. Even though I’ve gotten used to hearing gunshots here, ice flooded my veins as I thought of our children on the streets. Until about a month ago, the gunshots I heard were very sporadic and usually someone firing a shot or two into the air for fun. Last month, a man was shot and killed about two blocks from where I live. Some men followed him home from the bank and killed him for his money (but it turns out he had none as the bank was unable to cash his check.)  I was freaking out about our children being on the roads with all the violence, and Travis agreed- we needed to cancel school Tuesday. That night, I heard about six more gunshots in the span of 15 minutes. I read on Facebook the next day that the gunshots I heard in the afternoon were police shooting in the air after protesters started throwing rocks at them. Praise God, none of our students were hurt.

I say all this not to scare you, but to let you know how things are here and to ask for prayer. Things have changed here. Everyone seems more guarded. The atmosphere feels more tense and has an electric charge to it- like the Haitians are just waiting for something to ignite it. During these protests, we are encouraged to stay inside the gates and I have zero problem complying! We did go out last night to get some groceries because we heard there could be more protests this weekend. While we sat in traffic, we all got a little antsy because of the amount of people walking the streets, but no one approached our truck. I want to make it clear to you guys that I feel safe here. When I am inside the walls of the school or the children’s home, I am safe. I receive updates from the U.S. Embassy anytime that they hear reports of strikes, protests, or riots.  I also want to let you know that if I receive any information that makes me feel threatened or that I’m in danger, I have no hesitation to go home. However, it has not reached that point yet. Most of the violence here is towards other Haitians, not Americans, but it never hurts to be careful.  Please pray for Haiti. Pray for peace to settle in the hearts of the Haitian people. Pray that they find Jesus. Pray for the safety of our teachers and students, some of which travel an hour or two to get to school. Pray for wisdom for the leaders of Haiti. Pray for my family because I know this post will scare them. When they were visiting in December, our charter bus had to stop mid-trip due to protests and I remember how anxious we all were, and we were together. I know they will be worrying for my safety as I’m here and they’re there. Pray that I remember that God is sovereign and His plan is always best, even though sometimes it’s scary.

 Psalm 91:7, 10-11     A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you… no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

Nahum 1:7      The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9     We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.