In the Back of a Pickup Truck

Two years ago, I was playing basketball at Ohio State University when I dove for the ball and took a knee to the back of my head, resulting in a severe concussion. Some of the side effects included constant ringing in my ears, horrible migraines, sensitivity to light and noise, problems finding simple words that I should know (like airplane and books), fatigue, loss of appetite, and a loss of my ability to follow multi-step directions and multitask. I bounced around from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was going on in my brain and how to fix it. After seeing a specialist, we were told that the reason I kept having migraines was that I was hit in my occipital lobe; the part of the brain controls your vision. It was a very hard hit and it was in just the right spot. My optic nerve swelled, which caused pressure in my eyes. As a result, my eyes converged inward. My migraines are due to my eye muscles straining to move themselves back to the normal position. I did eye exercises to strengthen these eye muscles, but it didn’t seem to help. Finally, I just gave in and got reading glasses with prisms in them. The prisms move my eyes back to their normal positions naturally, without straining them. When I wear my glasses, I don’t have any more headaches.

Flash forward two years and two months. I’m sitting in the back of a pick-up truck driving down the streets of Port-au-Prince, Haiti, with a guy named Ian that I just met that day. He’s on his third trip to Haiti, visiting an organization called Child Hope, where some of my friends work. We chatted a bit about his job, his home, his family, his goals for his time in Haiti, my job, my home, my family, and my goals upon returning to America. I’m a really awkward human being, so after we hit all the small talk topics, I had absolutely no idea what to talk to this guy about and we sat in traffic in awkward silence. Then he spoke up. “So, what prescription are your glasses?” he asked. What kind of question is that?  I thought. That’s so random! But it’s better than awkward silence, so I’m gonna roll with it. I told him about my concussion, and how the glasses weren’t really because I had awful eyesight (in fact, they’re they lowest prescription you can possibly get!) and I just needed glasses to help pull my eyes in the right directions. He seemed fascinated by the side effects of my concussion, so I recounted to him about all the different types of exercises and therapy things I did to strengthen my brain to get it back to normal, and how, by the grace of God, the only side effect that still remained was my eyesight. He paused, deep in thought and then said “Well, would you like to get rid of that?” I kinda laughed and shrugged. Wearing glasses isn’t something that bothers me; I think my glasses are kinda cute, and a good accessory sometimes! He shook his head. “If you don’t wear your glasses, you get headaches, right? Would you like to get rid of the headaches?” I shrugged again, thinking Where is he going with this? Getting rid of the headaches would be really great, but how?

“Brittany, have you ever seen a miracle?” Another shrug. (Side note: I realize I shrug a lot… like a lot, a lot.) I told Ian that I believe in miracles and was about to describe stories of friends who have beaten cancer, or preemie twins who lived against all odds, or something along those lines when he stopped me. “Have you seen someone be healed with your own eyes? Not just heard of it?” I shook my head and honestly was a little wary. He, on the other hand, sat up a little straighter and told me, “God has given me the gift of healing, Brittany.” Um, what? This conversation is getting weirder and weirder. “Do you want to be healed?”  Um, what??? Okay, I’ve heard of people healing people, but they were all… kinda…. different people… kinda out there. I don’t know that I believe in people having the power to heal other people. And then I stopped. Wait a second. I bet the people in the New Testament thought all these things too when they saw the disciples healing people. I bet the disciples themselves thought Jesus was crazy when He healed people. But they had faith. I believe everything in the New Testament is true. I believe Jesus had the power to heal. I believe He gave the disciples power to heal. So if He gave people in the New Testament power to heal, what’s so crazy about Him giving people in 2015 the power to heal? I have to have faith, just like the people back then. It was a crazy long internal debate in my head but those are the main points. Ian was waiting patiently for me to answer him. But wait. It’s just my eyes… it’s something that can be fixed with glasses. It’s not something that plagues me every day. There are SO many more serious conditions out there. I shouldn’t take healing away from people who truly, desperately need to be healed. And while we’re on this point, why me? Why not someone who doesn’t know Christ who is on the verge of death? Why not a friend who is suffering? Why would God choose me, and something that seems so insignificant? At this point, my head was spinning with so many thoughts and I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I did want to be healed, but I felt guilty about saying yes when I saw people every day with much more serious needs. “Yes,” I finally told him. “Yes, I want to be healed.” He smiled and leaned forward.

“Okay, here’s what I’m going to do. Nowhere in the New Testament is there an intercessory prayer for healing. Nowhere does someone pray and ask God, ‘God, would you please heal this child from his sickness?’ No, the disciples and Jesus Himself speak directly to the part of the person that needs to be healed and commands it to be healed.” He paused, trying to make sure I was comprehending what he was saying. I was trying to recount every story of healing I’ve ever read in the Bible and realized he was correct. I nodded. “So what I’ll do is speak directly to your eyes. Which eye gives you the most trouble?” Without hesitating I blurted out, “My right eye!” Wait a second…. I‘ve never been asked that question. How did I answer that with such certainty? I realized then and there that this was from God. It’s kinda sad how slowly my brain works sometimes. Here I am, in the back of a truck with a guy I’d just met who is about to heal my eyes and I am just now realizing God’s hand in it. Anyways, back to the story. Ian started to speak. “I command you, Brittany’s eyes, to be healed. I command all the problems to go away, I command your eyes to be moved back to the correct positions. I command the nerves and the muscles to be strengthened, especially in your right eye. In Jesus’ Name, be healed.” He finished praying for me, and me being the awkward person I am, couldn’t figure out what to say after that. I thanked him and we returned to sitting in silence. After a few minutes, I realized that I still had my glasses on. Enter another internal debate. So that whole healing thing was pretty interesting. I wonder if it will work. I should prrrroooobbbbllllyyyy take my glasses off. But what if it doesn’t work? I really don’t want a bad migraine tonight- it’s supposed to be a fun night with friends. A migraine would ruin it. And I can’t take my glasses off right now, I’m in the back of a truck and these are Ray Bans. I don’t want them to get scratched or stolen. Nope, I guess I have to keep them on…… but wait. I have to have faith. The people in the New Testament had so much faith that they sought Jesus out to be healed. They didn’t need to be told twice! Jesus healed a man who was lame and told him, walk! The man didn’t hesitate! He immediately stood up and walked! Lord, forgive me for my doubts! At that exact moment, Ian kinda smiled as if he were reading my mind and said, “You know, you have to take your glasses off at some point to see if it works.” Having just come to the same conclusion, I laughed to myself and told him that I didn’t have any place to keep my glasses, but I would take them off as soon as we got out of the truck.

Fast forward to today. It is Wednesday- four days since Ian commanded my eyes to be healed in the back of that pickup truck on a dusty road in Haiti. Four days since I took off my glasses that I’ve pretty much worn every day since March 2013. I’ve scanned Pinterest, taught school, read my Bible, and typed this blog- all things that would normally have brought about a headache if done without my glasses- and I’ve been headache free. Holy cow! Four days of no glasses and not one, little, tiny headache!! Praise God! Time for me to be super honest with y’all. I will admit that I have been hesitant to share this story. I was worried about what everyone would think. Before Saturday, if someone was to come up and share a story with me about God giving someone the power to heal people, I would have nodded politely but not believed them. I just read a book recently where a man was healed after a group of people prayed over him, and I blew it off. Wives tales, fairy tales, coincidences. Can my God heal people? Absolutely! When someone has cancer and is healed, do I credit it to God’s healing power? Yes! But when it comes to a human being commanding others to be healed? Nope. That’s hokey, something only crazy Christians do. Honestly, that’s what I thought, and that’s why I didn’t want to tell this story. I’ve been keeping it to myself because I was afraid of being judged or labeled as a ‘crazy Christian’. But you know what? Being a Christian IS crazy! We believe that Jesus Christ, the Son of God came to Earth in the form of a baby. We believe that He chose to die a gruesome death so that our sins could be forgiven and we could live in Heaven with Him forever. We believe that He not only died, but that he rose again after three days and He’s alive in Heaven right now! If we believe all those things, why is it so crazy to think that God could give someone the ability to heal others?   

God is convicting me to share this story with you. In Mark 5, Jesus heals a man with a demon. The man who was healed (vs 20) “went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled.” In Luke 7, Jesus raised a widow’s son. The dead man sat up, and do you know what the first thing everyone did was? They glorified God, saying “God has visited his people!” (vs 16). In Luke 18, Jesus healed a blind beggar. Verse 43 says, “Immediately, he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God.”  I truly believe I have been healed. I want everyone to know! I have been healed!! I want to share my story because, who knows, maybe it could really impact someone’s life! It’s changed mine for sure!

God prompted Ian to ask about the prescription of my glasses. How random of a question is that to ask a person you’ve just met? I mean, there are so many other things to talk about! People have commented on my cute glasses, but I don’t think anyone has ever asked about why I have glasses, let alone my prescription. God prompted me to give the full concussion story, and when I was asked about which eye was damaged most, God gave me the answer even though I had never known it before. This miracle is straight from God, and He deserves ALL the glory!! Ian made sure that he stressed that this gift was given to him from God, and he commanded my eyes to be healed in Jesus’s name. Ian did nothing. I did nothing. We just had faith and God did the rest. My God is so powerful, so strong, and so mighty!!!

In devotion this morning, we sang this song, and I had to smile at God’s timing. I’ll share in Creole first, and then post the English lyrics below:  

Verse: Ou kontwol la vi mwen / Ou kalme vag lanme’m yo

Ou mach’ave’m nan dife/ Ou pran maladi’m yo

Mwen kwe nan ou/ Mwen kwe nan ou!

Chorus: Wi mwen kwe ou se gerise‘m 

Wi mwen kwe ou se sa’m bezwen

Wi mwen kwe ou se zafe’m 

Wi mwen kwe ou plis ke ase pou mwen

Jezu’w se tout bezwen’m

Bridge: Anyen pa enposib pou ou / Anyen pa enposib

Anyen pa enposib pou ou / Mond lan nan pla men’w li ye!

In English it’s a song many of you might know, made famous by Kari Jobe:

Verse: You hold my very moment / You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire / And heal all my disease

I trust in You / Lord I trust in You!  

Chorus: I believe You’re my healer / I believe You are all I need

I believe You’re my portion / I believe You’re more than enough for me

Jesus, You’re all I need

Bridge: Nothing is impossible for You / Nothing is impossible

Nothing is impossible for You / You hold my world in Your hands!

All I have to say is- Glory to God! I’m thankful I serve a God who can do, and chooses to do, more than I could ever ask or even imagine! He continues to amaze me every day! If you have any questions about this blog, please feel free to comment or private message me on Facebook, text me if you have my number, or get in touch with me anyway you can. I would absolutely love to talk to you!!

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.... You are serving the Lord Christ." ~ Colossians 3:23-24

43 Days

Wow, it doesn’t seem like much time has passed since I last wrote, but after checking I see it’s been a month and almost a half! Whoops! To tell you the truth, I’ve been kind of putting off this blog. As of today, I have 43 days until I get back to America. I cannot even begin to describe to you my mixed feelings on this, which is why I haven’t blogged in a while.

I recently listened to a sermon recorded from Ashland of Madison County about missions, and I want to start this blog out by echoing a statement that the long term missionary spoke:

“From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you’ve done for me. Thank you for praying for me- you don’t know how weak I am. You don’t know how desperately I needed and continue to need your prayers. Thank you for giving. I never had to worry if I was not going to have enough money to buy food. (Brittany here: I actually am going to have money left over, and am currently praying about where this money will be best used. Thank you for your generosity!!) Thank you for the encouragement- for the letters, for the Christmas presents, for the care packages, for everything! Thank you! I could not have done it without you.”

As I was listening to this man whom I’ve never met speak, I kept nodding my head vehemently in agreement. Everything he said is true to my experience as a missionary to Haiti. I am so blessed by you!

I’m coming to a hard time here, and I need more prayers than ever. Home is so close that I can almost taste it! I miss my family so much. I miss my best friends. Have you ever heard of FOMO? It’s an abbreviation for the fear of missing out, and I’ll tell you it’s tough. It’s hard to miss out on important things, like celebrating the birth of a baby or taking a friend out to celebrate an engagement. Everyone says that those are things I can do later when I get home, but it’s not the same. I’m so excited to get back home and not miss weddings, holidays, milestones, and whatnot. I’m excited for air conditioning, soft pretzels, and Target. I’m looking forward to regaining some freedom. Needless to say, it’s hard to keep my mind here and be mentally present for my kids. I’m excited, but I’m also worrying about my future in the states- Will I get a job? Where will I live? What happens if I don’t get a job? Will I fit back in to my native culture or will I be a bit of an outsider? But this is not the time for me to be worrying or thinking about those things! I only have 43 days left with my precious kiddos, only 43 days to teach them and show them God’s love. Yikes! Please pray that I stay mentally present and cherish the remaining time in Haiti. It’s so easy, and so tempting, to give up and start making preparations for America. I actually caught myself today making a list of all the types of food I want to eat when I get back to America. Silly! I don’t want to wish my time away because I know what will happen. I’ll get home in 43 days and in another 43 days I’ll be wishing I was back in Haiti.

When I remind myself that I only have 43 days left in Haiti, I often have to fight back the tears. I talked about the part of me that wants to go back home. But there’s a part of me that recognizes that leaving Haiti means leaving a part of my heart behind. I’m leaving 7 special kids to an unknown future. As of right now, there is no one to take over my position as the special education teacher. My kids have come so far (I’ll touch on that later!) and it is so encouraging! However, they are special learners, meaning they don’t do well in a typical classroom. They need a smaller classroom size and to have an active part in learning. Please join me in praying for a special education teacher to come to Christian Light School.

Not only am I concerned about their future, I’m selfishly dreading saying goodbye to my kids because I know how much it’s going to hurt. I have spent nearly every day in Haiti with these kids. I’m not just their teacher on the weekdays; I’m their friend on the weekends and evenings and I sometimes even step in as parent when the house mom and dad are gone. We have become like a family during these 8 months of being together. They don’t understand why I’m leaving them and to be honest, I don’t have a great answer for them. I know God is calling me back to the states for a while, but how do you explain that to a five year old? To them, a little while is a week. For me, it’s unknown. This isn’t a typical summer vacation and then a new year where they’re in the school but with a different teacher… I really don’t know that I’ll ever see these kids again and it absolutely crushes my heart.

Leaving Haiti in 43 days also means leaving behind some really awesome friends that I’ve made within the last two months. God has been teaching me so much about friendship during my time in Haiti. Without going into too much detail, I had all but given up on finding community in Haiti outside of the gates of CLS. It’s hard to live and work with the same people all the time, and while we had fun movie nights and community dinners, and I longed to make other friends. Then, a lot of my friends at CLS left, all right in a row. It brought me to a point where I decided I didn’t need friendships in Haiti- it was just going to be me and Jesus. People came and made promises, but eventually they disappointed me and left. I knew Jesus would never leave, so I clung desperately to Him and closed my heart to the American teams coming and going. While this was the closest I’ve ever been to Jesus in my life, my heart was very lonely. God used this time to teach me a) to be completely dependent on Him but also b) that we are created for friendship and fellowship. Just as God is constantly in fellowship with the Son and the Holy Spirit, so too are we to be in fellowship with God and other people. God is not to be replaced by friends, but His grace, mercy, and love is to be magnified in our lives through friendship. Once I learned how to be completely dependent on God, He softened my heart and ended up blessing me with an amazing group of girls. It saddens me deeply to think about leaving them in 43 days and hurts even more when I think about the fact that I might never see them again. Even if they all moved back to America with me, we’re in all different corners of the country. Please pray for my heart as I get ready to say some tough goodbyes- both to my American friends and my Haitian students.

Like I said, I’m coming upon hard times here, and I really need your prayers more than ever. But even though some days are really, really hard there are also days that are really, really good. I recently found the goals that my children made at the beginning of the school year. Before my class began, I asked all my children to think of three goals that they wanted to accomplish before the end of the school year. In April, I found the goals and was astonished- each and every one of my children had accomplished at least two of their three goals. Huge success!! 

* Herode can now write his name! Oh, and he hasn’t been sent to the office in over two weeks! This was a child who made me cry in front of the class because of his bad behavior. Now, he sits and does his work and even asks for more!!!

·        * Magdala went for one week without getting into trouble and got a 100% on a spelling test for the first time last week!

·        * Pame and Mislene have each gotten a 100% on a multiplication test and spelling test!

·        * Patrick can add!

·        * Vidlon can add AND subtract!  He is a math whiz and a problem solver. This kid thinks outside the box like no seven year old I’ve met. On Easter Sunday, we flew kites, but the wind was so strong that the frames pulled away from the plastic covering on most of them. I was scurrying about, trying to find glue or tape, when I looked up to the sky and saw them all flying again. My confused gaze finally came to rest on a proud Vidlon, who held up a wad of gum and gave me his famous Vidlon grin. See? Outside of the box!

·         * J.J. is working hard to get promoted to second grade! This year he has learned to read, spell, add, subtract, tell time, and count money!

Ahhhh!! And I’m not even telling you about the ways my students have grown socially! I am so proud of my students!

When I think back to our little classroom at the beginning of the school year and compare it to now, I can’t help but to laugh and praise God. There were days where I was certain I was failing as a teacher. I cried so many nights because of the behavior problems in my class and my inability to regulate them. I was so overwhelmed with how much we needed to cover in the span of the year to get these kids up to speed that several times I almost gave up. As the quote from the beginning of this blog says, you don’t know how weak I am. But God. God had different plans for my kids… no, for His kids. Thank God that He never gives up on us, right??  I simply cannot take any credit for the change in my children. It’s not because I’m a great teacher or an awesome person. Not hardly. It’s because my God is an awesome God. He used me this year for the benefit of these children and the benefit of His kingdom. If God left this up to me, I can honestly say I would have given up. I would have said that there was no way a child who couldn’t match letters to phonetic sounds at the beginning of the school year would learn to read. I would have said that after receiving an average of 30% on spelling tests for the first two quarters of school that there was no way for Magdala to get a 100% on a spelling test. I would never have guessed that I would be sending a student UP a grade level. But God thinks differently than humans! He deserves all the praise and all the glory for the successes that these seven children have seen this school year. The best part is, I know He isn’t finished yet! I still have 43 days with these kids. It is my goal to get Patrick up to a second grade math level, to get Magdala to learn how to add, to get Herode to identify all his letters, to get Vidlon to feel confident in spelling. It seems like a daunting task for the month and a half that I have left. But my God is big, and He can do more than we can even imagine! Praise Him! Oh I am so thankful for His amazing grace. I am thankful that He has allowed me to be a part of His plan for Vidlon, J.J., Herode, Magdala, Patrick, Pame, and Mislene!

Though these next 43 days might be a tough battle, I’m glad to have been sent to Haiti and thankful that you guys came on this journey with me. Seriously, I can’t say thank you enough for all the prayers, words of encouragement, letters, financial support, and because I appreciate it so much I’m gonna say it again, your prayers. It’s my aim to get another blog out before I leave Haiti to update you on the goals we (hopefully) will meet before school ends :) Please keep me, my students, and Christian Light School in your prayers!

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.... You are serving the Lord Christ." ~ Colossians 3:23-24